"Now if you say that the word of any ignorant person has the same effect, come and see: One who is unaccustomed to the mysteries of Torah and innovates words he does not fully understand - when that word ascends, a man of perversity, tongue of falsehood (Proverbs 16:28; 6:17) bursts forth from the chasm of the immense abyss, leaping 500 parasangs to obtain that word. Grabbing her, he takes that word back to his chasm and transmogrifies her into a distorted heaven called 'chaos.' The man of perversity flies through that heaven - 6000 parasangs in one glide. As soon as the distorted heaven is established, a woman of whoredom (Hosea 1:2) emerges, clinging to it, joining with it. From there she sets out, killing thousands, myriads."

In honor of the third volume of Daniel C. Matt's Zohar being released soon (Mwahahahaha, Amazon says the 21st, it shall arrive!), I thought I'd do a nice little commentary on this paragraph. First of all, this is vitally important stuff for anyone who has a mystic world view. Why? Because it describes the mechanisms by which ideas spread from our words and change the experiences of others in the world. To start, we have the idea of "innovating words" which is actually pretty vital to the whole process too. Innovating words, it would seem, is describing a type of prophecy. In the Tanakh there are instances in which we see individuals using prophecy as a weapon, ala Balaam. So in this case, we're talking about someone who is prophesying without an understanding of the processes that are magnifying his words into new realities. So when this person begins to prophesy, "a man of perversity" (Samael, the Accuser, according to Matt), takes hold of the word and uses it to create a heaven. Heaven is an important technical term here also. Matt explains that these are new heavens being created, not the established heavens. But what does heaven mean? Heaven is the sum of the vectors created by the invisible principles that are governing your reality. These principles are defined by your beliefs about reality. These can be (and frequently are) summarized by mythologies, which determine the vectors in the "story" of your life. So heaven is the sum of those mythologies that you are living out. So, when our clueless prophet is creating chaotic heavens, these are translated into life stories for others to act out. It's also important to note the strange numbers. These are coordinates of sorts, that tell you where an influence is coming from in the hierarchy of Etz Chaim, the Tree of Life. Samael leaping 500 parasangs means that his influence extends from Gevurah of Yetsirah (Yetsirah being the world of imagination, meaning, & dreams - Gevurah being the essence of Severity, which Samael embodies) to create this new heaven. Then it says he glides 6000 parasangs - This means that his influence is extended to Tiferet of Beriya (Beriya being the world of identity [Mi], and Tiferet being the heart, the seat of compassion). What does this mean? This means that the accuser is allowed to usurp the powers of compassion that G-d normally extends into everyone's "heaven" and twists them, to create a life of severity. This creates, as the text continues, a complex, a subliminal principle that is viral in nature. As it says, "a woman of whoredom" that can slay myriads. The reason I favor this interpretation is that Lilith was associated with the teeming creatures of the seas, which to me represents a principle living beneath the 'surface' of consciousness in multiple entities. She was said to bear thousands of children (thoughts) which she would turn around and slay (internal conflict). Matt also says that the term "woman of whoredom" is a reference to Lilith. This subliminal complex becomes viral, and spreads to anyone who allows themselves to 'be accused' by the thoughts generated by contact with the behavior that those infected propagate. So when you see someone who is acting in a way that you see as evil, and you wonder if others percieve you in that way, that thought is the trail left behind by that viral complex entering you. This is why Samael is called accuser; he as the male, or active principle, is the part you see - the accusation, while Lilith, the female, or passive principle, is not seen but does all the slaying. So how could our clueless prophet choose his words more carefully? The Zohar suggests more study of Torah, which purifies the soul, leaving it free of klippothic influence. The clueless prophet spreads the complexes inherent in his own words to others and their lives. Ultimately, none of us are free of complexes, but it is vital that we cleanse ourselves of negative behaviors to the greatest degree possible, so that our words will not spread darkness into the lives of others.

Choose your words carefully.

The fog is here. It's as familiar as an old friend by now. The fog is a strange herald in my own personal mythology. I'm used to walking into it one person, and leaving it another person. A long time ago, a friend and I drove out to an acquaintance's house for a bit of partying. It wasn't a significant meeting, but on the way home, as is to be expected when driving while sleepy, I got lost. We drove around for awhile, not saying anything, because neither of us wanted to appear nervous to the other. Then he asked me if I knew where we were. I assured him I did, but really I had no idea. Every time I found a marker, I'd see things just past it that contradicted my previous understandings as to our whereabouts. Eventually I found the highway and we booked it back to the humble garage I was living in at the time. Not too long after that, I ended up staying out there for a long time. Once again, I got lost out there. So, the fog usually preceeds a new period of life for me. Right now, I'm talking to the student-rabbi and she's mentioned the final stages of conversion: the beit din (possibly a brit dam also), the mikveh (in January), and a public acknowledgement in the way of an aliyah to the Torah. I'm very excited about all this. I've studied for a year, and longer before this, and I guess I'm just really jazzed that it will finally be official soon. But what then? Will I then get caught up in this new identity and become lost in the twists and turns therein? No. You see, the thing that happened to me long ago happened before I knew who I was. I am still learning, but I have my foundation, and I am aware of my own nature. These are my guideposts, the lights that help me search for wisdom. They are the very basis of my faith: by knowing that Eheyeh Asher Eheyeh (I am that I am) created me in his image, I know that I can be aware of my own true nature, and that because of that, I will never lose myself again.

Not really related, but I gotta say that I'm proud to be converting to Reform after reading this.

Chompin' at the bit...

Finished "To Life", but I've been very busy with my new job, so I haven't had time to review it. All in all, it's been mostly consistent with what I've discussed with others. Spirituality rooted in action, religion centered in life. Definitely the fertile soil I'm looking for to raise children in and nourish my own soul in.

New book: Anatomy of God by Roy A. Rosenberg. This is a translation of a couple of Zohar portions that are tough to find in a good translation. The Idraot (The Greater and Lesser Assemblies) are metaphorical works in the tradition of the Shiur Qomah which describes an obviously metaphoric "body of G-d" of varying dimensions. The Idraot, however, describe the emanatory structure of the world through reference to the Beard of G-d. I think it's a better metaphor because it's less anthropomorphic to describe a portion than it is to describe the whole body as in Shiur Qomah. I like the translation - it's clean and doesn't have a whole lot of additions as far as I can tell. Then again I'm not at all good with Aramaic, so what do I know? ;)

I actually typed this up as an example for someone at synagogue, but I thought I'd post it here as an example of what I do (besides the usual Jewish prayers. Usually the ones I do are several pages in length and require me to hold several letter strings in my head at a time. I try to keep the gnosis that each letter points to all together in the letter string, so it can get pretty difficult after awhile (My eyes start to cross doing the tougher ones). Sorry if the vowel points aren't under the letters. This worked on Livejournal, but apparently Blogger has some issues with it. Anyway, here ya go:

The Fifth Yichud

(from Meditation and Kabbalah by Aryeh Kaplan, pg. 252)


The purpose of this Yichud is to repel and banish the Outside Forces. You may meditate on it after another Yichud.

Meditate on the two names Elohim Elohim like this:

ALHYM ALHYM (אלהים אלהים)

Then intertwine the names with these vowels:

AeAe LeLe HeHe YeYe MaMa (אֵאֵ לֵלֶ הֵהֵ יֵיֵ מַםַ)

Contemplate [that each name Elohim (אלהים) has a numerical value of 86, and therefore the two names have a value of 172]. Add to this an additional 10 for the 10 letters of both names, and you have 182, which is the numerical value of Jacob (יַעֲקֹב).

Also contemplate that the vowel points have the same numerical value as Jacob. The first eight letters all have the vowel point Tzeré (ֵ ), except for the second Lamed, (ל), which has a Segol (ֶ). [The Tzeré consists of two dots or Yod’s, and thus has a numerical value of 20. The Segol consists of three dots or Yud’s and has a value of 30. The seven Tzerés therefore have a total value of 140, and together with the 30 of the Segol] this yields 170. This is the value of AC (עק) of Jacob.

The two letters Mem (מ) have the vowel Patach (ַ). [This has the form of a (headless) Vav (ו), and therefore has a numerical value of 6. The two therefore have] a numerical value of 12. This is the value of JB (יב) of Jacob.

Combining AC (עק) and JB (יב) then yields Jacob (יעקב)

Coming to terms with worship:

I am generally not a worship kind of guy. I don't generally praise people when they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, although I'm sure many managerial books would recommend otherwise. I am rather critical, but when I see improvement in another person, I become fiercely proud and protective of that person. I let them know that I am impressed by their growth. I do this to offset the severity of my criticisms. I say all this to illustrate that I am not the kind of guy that hands out compliments lightly. So where does worship fit into this? Is worship about telling G-d how great a guy He is?
I do not bless G-d because I feel the need to grovel before him, nor because it is the style of approach that used to be customary for kings. I think G-d is generally secure enough in His G-dhood to not need me to compliment Him. Rather, I think we praise G-d because we are calling to the characteristics that we wish to see in G-d. It is like a man who goes to see the king saying, "O King, surely you are wise. Please hear my request." The king replies, "Indeed, I am wise. Because you have acknowledged that, I shall apply my wisdom to your request." However, praise does not always proceed a request. In that case, it is enough that the Blessed Holy One gazes upon our lives with those aspects that we have recognized, transforming subtly our lives with Divine Presence. We do not praise G-d to receive a blessing, like a bribe. We praise G-d to recognize His attributes, and to call those attributes into action in our lives and the lives of others. We call to His Presence because we are His friends, and like friends, we wish to show Him every good thing we see.

So lately I've been going through a lot of transitions. I just changed jobs, to a job that lets me work from home for a bit more money. This also gives me time to do things I had previously been unable to do, like spend more time with the family, devote more time to study, etc. One of the things I've decided to do is the Amidah once a day combined with some meditation. So I clear my mind of the problems of the day, relax my body, and then once I've done that for about 5 minutes, I do the Amidah from here.

It has had a very positive effect upon my mindset; I troubleshoot my customers' problems with more confidence when I am calm. It also reminds me to act with kindness towards everyone, so that I can reduce the amount of misery in the world. It is my way of declaring my dedication to Tikkun HaOlam every day.

This is a beginning.

Like many other beginnings, it begins with a spark. The spark in this case was a dream I had last year: "...The perspective switched back to me. I left the Christian convention. I had seen a few Jewish books at their booth, so I figured that there had to be some Jewish stores or a temple nearby. I saw two of them down one cobblestone street. Outside the door to the first store I saw many thick and beautiful books (inlaid with ivory and with gold filament lettering), but I knew the price was too high for me to pay. So I opened the double doors to the shop, and saw that it was actually a closet-sized converted fireplace. Placed carefully on racks were very ancient Torah scrolls with their respective commentaries. At the bottom were some ashes, and I immediately fell to my knees and sprinkled the ashes over my entire body."

It took me awhile (5 months from the time of that dream), but that day I began considering conversion. I had been studying Kabbalah (not the Phillip Berg kind) for awhile on the Exclusively Kabbalah list, but I hadn't seriously thought about Judaism as a religion.

Once I started going, it was a whirlwind of new things to learn and new people to meet. There were customs and rituals I had never heard of (although not all were unfamiliar). The experience has been rich and full of meaning.

But there has also been study and learning involved. I took a Judaism 101 course (although I missed a few classes) and learned a lot about Jewish History, Halakha, the Talmud, Jewish Philosophy, and a whole lot about people's opinions about these subjects.

So I'm going to be reading books and moving towards conversion, and I will attempt to document this process here.

B'shalom!